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Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

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What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

Why were the ancient Greeks considered so brave on the battlefield?

They didn't want to leave their brothers behind.

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What do you call a creamsicle in Russia?

A hammer and cream-sickle

Where does Russia get its water from?

De-stalinization plants

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When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.