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Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

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Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

What did the whistleblower say after the blizzard in Russia?

I'm Snowden!

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Why doesn't Russia import water buffalo?

Because they already have Moscow.

Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

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Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.