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Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

Because he's snowed in.

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How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

It's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.

When will there be a woman in the White House?

When Hillary leaves town.

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Where does Russia get its water from?

De-stalinization plants

Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.

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Why couldn't the whistleblower pick up his dry-cleaning?

Because he was Snowden! (Snowed in)

How do you find white Canadian reggae musician Snow in the snow?

You ask an informer

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Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?

He was Snowden.

Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.