Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.

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Why are you so happy?

Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

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Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard?

We're Snowden!

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What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

Because he's snowed in.