Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?

He has an Asgard...

This joke may have profanity.

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Why did the burger sit beside the telephone?

Incase onion rings

What's E.T short for?

Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for Because he can't sit down.

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Why did no one notice Thor's brother?

Because he was low-key

What did the god of lightning say after working out for the first time?

I'm Thor

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What do you call a human that's now a cactus?

A transplant.

What did the cactus say to his wife?

Aloe Vera!

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What did Thor have to wear when he broke his tailbone?

An Asgard.