Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer?

Because he lies on one side and then turns around and lies on the other one.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a Maple Leads fan do after his team wins the Stanley Cup?

He turns off his Xbox and goes back to bed.

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

She turned it over and used the other side.

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl?

Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why are pilots so honest?

Keep those maintenance issues quiet. I want lies, frankly. "We're delayed because we're winning a safety award."

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."