Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer?

Because he lies on one side and then turns around and lies on the other one.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why does everyone hate me?

I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.

What do you say to a soldier who doesn't turn up for Camouflage training?

Well done.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What's green and has four wheels?

A turtle. I was lying about the wheels

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.