How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did the hipster go to bed early?

Because he sleeps before it gets cool.

When does a bed grow longer?

At night, because two feet are added to it.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

How do you know if someone is an Alabama fan?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

Toss Jokes More Toss Jokes

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

How are children like slinkies?

It's fun to toss them down stairs.

Crawl Jokes More Crawl Jokes

What do you do when you see a half dead native man crawling across your lawn?

Stop laughing and reload

How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet?

By crawling to the counter " GET OUT