Text Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text?

Poe-etry

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Why did the baker rob the deer park?

He kneaded the doe. (Doesn't work too well in text)

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

Why didn't you text me?

I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.

What state has the highest cell phone bills?

Text-us

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10 Second Jokes More 10 Second Jokes

What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube?

My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

How do I know Kim and Kanye's daughter is going to be smart?

Because she already has 315 degrees.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

What's a good thing about a novelist conman?

He may have a lot of cons, but he also has a lot of prose.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?

Semtex.

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Genesis Jokes More Genesis Jokes

What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

Land of Cold-Fusion".

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Whats the best place to drive to in Iowa?

The Middle. That way, you're always driving out of Iowa.

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

How does Bill Gates enter his house?

A. He uses "windows".

Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10?

Because Windows 7, 8, 9.

Bbq Jokes More Bbq Jokes

How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq?

They'll tell you.

Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

Because the beans keep falling through the grill.