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Text Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

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What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text?

Poe-etry

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Why did the baker rob the deer park?

He kneaded the doe. (Doesn't work too well in text)

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

What's love?

Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

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When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

What does the interrupting cow say?

HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text

Why does it take you forever to text me back?

3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about

Why didn't you text me?

I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.

What state has the highest cell phone bills?

Text-us

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Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?

Yello?

Why couldn't Biggy or Tupac ever get decent internet on their phones?

They were just 2G's

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

Who was the naughtiest character in Star Wars?

R2D2. All of his lines are bleeped out.

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

Samsung Jokes More Samsung Jokes

What did Samsung say to Apple?

You don't no jack!

How does Samsung know its most loyal customers?

They check with the burn ward. (I'll get my coat)

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

What do a thug and hillbilly have in common?

They both like to throw a hoedown.

What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

A super-fish-oil wound

Genesis Jokes More Genesis Jokes

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan

What is the worst type of doctor you can be?

Gynecologist - because in the hole that the whole world is looking for pleasure, he's looking for problems.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why did Spock dump his wife?

Because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so

How do you know you're talking to a pilot?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.