March Madness Sale - 25% Off

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Previous Random Joke Next
Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?

You had one job.

Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to?

His first mate

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

Why does the graveyard have fences?

Because people were dying to get in!

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What about the aliens from space?

We need a ROOF!

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

What did the man say who couldn't add the same number to itself?

I can't even...

Why are urologists selfish?

Because they're all about number one

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?

You get a frizzy signal!

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why didn't the Eskimo want to go hunting?

I don't know, guess he just wasn't Inuit.

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Facebook Jokes More Facebook Jokes

What's the alien version of Facebook?

Spacebook. (It's a terrible joke I know).

Whatsapp &amp?

Facebook?

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.