Phone Jokes

How do you call a cow with no legs?

You don't, because cows don't have phones.

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What do you call a phone with no parents?

An Or-phone.

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

Alarmed.

How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone?

A Hans free device

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Why don't call centers hire alligators?

They can't croco-dial the phones.

What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?

Yello?

What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?

Halal?

Why did I throw my phone out of my window?

Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

Cause they all have phones!

What did the phone say to the other phone after a bad rejection?

If you like it then you shudda put a ringtone on it.

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Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

Because they can get 4g

What TV personality lives in your phone?

SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)

Why can't Z generationers swim?

Their phones would get wet.

Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?

She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.

How did people charge their phones before electricity?

They didn't...!

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

What kind of phone does The Flash use?

Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?

Cello?

Why did The Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

What do all dogs get with their phones?

Collar ID

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How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?

Mellow.

How to use green, yellow, and pink in a sentence?

The phone goes green, green, green, I pink it up, and say yellow.

What do you call a guy who always phones people?

Colin.

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

What do plantains say when they lose their phone?

Where did Mofongo

Who's there! Buster! Buster who?

Buster tire can I use your phone!

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?

Yellow

How do you know a shirt has phoned you?

Collar ID

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?

A party line!

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash?

Tele-Scope.

Why are you going through my phone?

BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

Why did the crayon want to be a phone?

Because it wanted to be a texta.

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

How can you tell if someone who's having a temper tantrum is on the phone?

You get a tizzy signal!

What did the baby sheep say to its mother on the phone?

Miss ewe!

What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

What's the song that Coldplay wrote for you?

Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?

You get a buzzy signal.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?

I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones

What are you doing on your phone?

Bugs Bunny replies, "Eh, Whatsapp Doc."

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

What type of phone does a hawk use?

A hawkie talkie.

When does a horse talk on the phone?

Whinny wants to!

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

A phoney friend!

Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?

It lost its contacts.

How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

H-E-L-L-O!

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What do you call a doctor who is always on a phone?

An oncologist

Why can't two jealous people talk on the phone together?

It is always an insecure line!

How does a door chime answer the phone?

Bella

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?

A wake-up call!

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?

What do you call someone who talks on their phone during dinner?

Cellfcentered

What type of phones do fish use?

Shellular*, of course...

Why couldn't Biggy or Tupac ever get decent internet on their phones?

They were just 2G's

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?

You get a frizzy signal!

Why did the clock phone the ruler?

Because desperate times call for desperate measures....

Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?

In case Johnny Onion Rings!

What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?

You-Rang-a-Tang

What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

Shelfies.

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

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What is the loneliest number?

My phone number, call me please!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do hipsters only use the microwave?

Because they don't like conventional ovens.

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Worry Jokes More Worry Jokes

How do you know if someone is an Alabama fan?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you know if someone's from Texas?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Internet Jokes More Internet Jokes

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

What surfs the Internet and goes 'Choo Choo'?

Thomas the Search Engine.

Summer Jokes More Summer Jokes

What are the hottest days during summer?

Sun-days

What dance do you do when summer is over?

Tango (tan go).

Reuse Jokes More Reuse Jokes

Nokia Jokes More Nokia Jokes

What do you have if you don't have a Kia?

A Nokia.

What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

Connect Jokes More Connect Jokes

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard

Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?

Leeds.