Guess Jokes

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

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Why don't we see more midget actors?

I guess you can say that they are in short supply these days.

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

What did Sam say to the young Americans?

Guess where this finger's going.

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

Why ya going to the airport?

Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

What do you call a master at guessing Anime characters?

Guesu

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Who leaves money under the pillows of children with LGBT parents?

Surely you will have guessed - the brooth fairy.

What did one fetus say to the other?

Guess we're wombmates!

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

Well, I guess we better Barium.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?

If you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up.

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What the problem?

Man 1: *Sighs* " I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole "

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

From Jason's Doner Van. (Sorry, I'm guessing this one's only for the Aussies and Brits)

Who's there! Bed! Bed who?

Bed you can't guess who I am!

How did Thor's brother get his powers?

Just Loki I guess

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

What do I want to do to your body?

I don't know. Identify it, I guess.

What's the most popular game at a nursing home?

Guess who

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

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What are you typing?

Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.

Why didn't the Eskimo want to go hunting?

I don't know, guess he just wasn't Inuit.

How do you find the defendant?

Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Where is everybody?

Everybody I don't know. All over the planet I guess.

What do you need to fix it?

Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right... the tuna fish!

When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

Pony gone.

Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through

What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

Guess I can't see what everyone else sees.

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

How is life at the post office going?

It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness

How many children do I want to have?

Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

What be a Pirates favorite letter?

Ye all must be willin' to guess Arrrr. But ye be wrong! It be the Sea! Yearha har har har

What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

I guess you aren't up to par

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

Who's there! Bat! Bat who?

Bat you'll never guess!

What did one brick say to the other?

Guess who's gettin' laid tomorrow!

How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men

What's one good thing about Switzerland?

Well I guess the flag's a big plus

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad: I guess through its Beak

Who's the wost president ever?

Guess we'll find out in January.

What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common?

You guessed it: we're all white.

What what Juan's twin sister named?

I don't know, Juana guess

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

What happened to all the Pokémon GO jokes?

I guess people have made the "switch" to another fad.

Why did the surfer join ISIS?

Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

How are we out already?

ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess

What exactly is that?

Making people guess the meaning of acronyms.

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

What does a vegetable get in bowling?

A-spare-I-guess

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

What could you bring to this company?

Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

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Guess Jokes

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

I Love Pizza & You

Why don't we see more midget actors?

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

What did Sam say to the young Americans?

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

Why ya going to the airport?

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

Why did Gandhi lose the race?

What do you call a master at guessing Anime characters?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Who leaves money under the pillows of children with LGBT parents?

What did one fetus say to the other?

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

What came first?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?

How do I get to 280?

What the problem?

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

Who's there! Bed! Bed who?

How did Thor's brother get his powers?

Where is the remote?

What do I want to do to your body?

What's the most popular game at a nursing home?

Your Age Is Only Math

What are you typing?

Why didn't the Eskimo want to go hunting?

How do you find the defendant?

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

Where is everybody?

What do you need to fix it?

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

How is life at the post office going?

How many children do I want to have?

What be a Pirates favorite letter?

What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Who's there! Bat! Bat who?

What did one brick say to the other?

How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

What's one good thing about Switzerland?

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

How about an office party?

When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

Who's the wost president ever?

What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common?

What what Juan's twin sister named?

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

What happened to all the Pokémon GO jokes?

Why did the surfer join ISIS?

How are we out already?

What exactly is that?

What next?

What does a vegetable get in bowling?

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

When did she die?

What could you bring to this company?

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community?

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