Guess Jokes

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

Why did Gandhi lose the race?

I guess he got his fasts mixed up.

What do you call a master at guessing Anime characters?

Guesu

What did one fetus say to the other?

Guess we're wombmates!

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

Well, I guess we better Barium.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

From Jason's Doner Van. (Sorry, I'm guessing this one's only for the Aussies and Brits)

Who's there! Bed! Bed who?

Bed you can't guess who I am!

How did Thor's brother get his powers?

Just Loki I guess

What do I want to do to your body?

I don't know. Identify it, I guess.

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Where is everybody?

Everybody I don't know. All over the planet I guess.

What do you need to fix it?

Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right... the tuna fish!

When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

Pony gone.

Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through

How is life at the post office going?

It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness

What be a Pirates favorite letter?

Ye all must be willin' to guess Arrrr. But ye be wrong! It be the Sea! Yearha har har har

What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

I guess you aren't up to par

Who's there! Bat! Bat who?

Bat you'll never guess!

What's one good thing about Switzerland?

Well I guess the flag's a big plus

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

Who's the wost president ever?

Guess we'll find out in January.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

How are we out already?

ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess

What exactly is that?

Making people guess the meaning of acronyms.

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

What does a vegetable get in bowling?

A-spare-I-guess

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

You might also enjoy:

Shore Jokes More Shore Jokes

Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?

For they are always on shore...

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

Continue Jokes More Continue Jokes

What do you call a person who continues to touch up on something that is already perfect, and thus ruining whatever it was?

George Lucas.

Why do mathematicians only count up to 287?

Because if they count one more it would be 2gross to continue.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.

What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

The first herd shot round the world!

Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

What do you do if the Ocean stares at you?

Sea it and Wave

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

If they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Right where ya left him.

What did one lesbian vampire say the other?

See ya next month)

Asteroid Jokes More Asteroid Jokes

Why are they called hemorrhoids?

Because asteroids was already taken.

What type of dinosaurs roamed the Mediterranean before the asteroid hit?

Falafel Raptors. (sorry)

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie the other prowls on the hairy.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

Sam Jokes More Sam Jokes

Why did Steve Jobs lose on the X Factor?

Because Sam sung better than him

Who sung?

Sam. Samsung