Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

A dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ()

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

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What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

Unevening.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

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What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

Gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

Colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of a Predator?

A Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

Maryland and Misury

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Christopher Reeve Jokes More Christopher Reeve Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

Why couldn't Christopher Reeve pay his landlord?

Back rent.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

From Jason's Doner Van. (Sorry, I'm guessing this one's only for the Aussies and Brits)

What do you need to fix it?

Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)

Socialist Jokes More Socialist Jokes

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why was the socialist kicked from his party?

Because he was anti social.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?

Wow!! Donut seeds!!!!

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

Turkish Jokes More Turkish Jokes

Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

Autistic Jokes More Autistic Jokes

World Jokes More World Jokes

What goes all around the world but stays in one corner the entire time?

Stamps!

How manny women dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one she hokds the blub and the world revolves around her.

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

I'm lichen what I see

What was the geologists' favorite Musical genere?

Rock