Opposite Jokes

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

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What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

A dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ()

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

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What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

Unevening.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

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What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of a Predator?

A Postdator

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

Maryland and Misury

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Why was the pirate arrested for polygamy?

He kept on and on about his mateys.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What kind of elephants live in Antartica?

Cold ones!

Where do homeless accountants live?

In a tax shelter. Blame GROCO PCA

Rule Jokes More Rule Jokes

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

If I had to guess the religion of Daniel Day Lewis...

I would probably say Methodist.

Opposite Direction Jokes More Opposite Direction Jokes

What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

Improve Jokes More Improve Jokes

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist?

To improve his bite!

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite.

Socialist Jokes More Socialist Jokes

Why was the socialist kicked from his party?

Because he was anti social.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when i find a good joke?

I reddit.

What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?

THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why did the spreadsheets get divorced?

They just couldn't sort things out.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's rear end!