571+ Funny S Jokes - Curious United

What do you call a mill thats just ok?

A satisfactory.

Whats Brown and Sticky?

Mohammed Ali opening a can of coke.

What do you call your friend thats a detective?

Your Sherlock Homie

Whats the most handiest tool ever?

A Hand!

Whats the world weakest animal?

A toad he croaks if you even touch him!

Whats rectangular, white and blue?

A fridge with a denim jacket on. HA!

Whats the difference between children and lesbians?

Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.

What kind of dog is this?

Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you " "PUT MY SON DOWN"

Whats the difference between a midget and a bigot?

One is small and the Other is small minded!

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

Whos there" Allah Allah who?

Allahwho akbar

Whats the difference between New York and Middle Earth?

Two towers.

Whats the difference between a pizza and a black man?

A pizza can feed a family of 4 (I'm black so I can say this)

What's a good movie?

Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about " Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.

Whats the difference between a chicken and an alligator?

I don't know.

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.

Whats does Copy pasta taste like?

The same

Whats your name?

Whats the color of the sky... Me: whats your name You:(insert name) Me:whats the color of the sky You:blue Me:whats my name Now put it all together.

Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the chin

Whats the definition of love true love and showing off?

Spitting swallowing and gargling.

What do women and Google have in common?

They never let you finish first. (#s)

What s the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

Whats the difference between dawn and dusk?

D(sun)/dt *facepalm*

Whats the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

A bomb vest does something when triggered.

Whats the worst joke you can play on an American?

Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.

Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?

Through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman?

A computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy

Whats the hardest part about cooking vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

Whats the difference between reddit and 9gag?

3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr.Dre

Why dont you like Taylor Swift?

Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.

Whats a statisticians favourite S Club 7 song?

Reach For The **Stats**.

Whats the difference between a nun and a whore in a bathtub?

One has a soul full of hope...

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the difference between a Pygmy and an Amazon?

Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt...

What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing?

Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name

Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter?

The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds?

The bucket

Whats 19x17?

36 -Thats not even close!! -But it was quick.

Whats a farmers best dating advice?

A tractor

Whats a weightlifters favorite kind of math?

AlgeBRUH!

Who do you call when theres a fly in your house?

The SWAT team

Whats with the wheel on your john?

The pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?

One's mad cow disease the other's an agricultural problem.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of four

Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Whats the deal with all this airline food?

Sharks in Malaysia

Whats the difference between a White lie and a Black lie?

Half to none of the time.

Whats so special about "demon cats"?

Aren't all cats pure evil

Hows your headache?

Husband: She's fine.

Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?

Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.

Whats common between Reddit jokes &amp Dave?

You never get tired of seeing them again &amp again...

What's up dawg?

Me: Up dawg Person: What is that Me: What is what Person: Whats up dawg Me: nothing much hbu Person: ...

Whats a frogs favourite game?

It's croak-et!

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction

Whats the sickest piece of art?

Pneumonia Lisa

Whats a retarded person's favorite season?

Autismn

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?

A frog with hiccups!

Whats the emergency?

My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking

How do you make seven even?

Take the s off.

Whats the most unlikely line to read in the bible?

The characters in this book are entirely fictional.

Whats so good about german cars?

They get from Berlin to Warsaw in one tank

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Whats better than winning silver at the paralympics?

Not being a cripple.

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Whats the word im looking for?

You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

Whats Black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist.

Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?

She answered "About an inch".

Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree?

1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

Whats a sign a subreddit has strong moderation?

Removed

Whats the incredible hulks favourite drink?

Incredible mulk

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

Whats yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard

Whats an ex-iphone user's favorite cereal?

Apple Jacks

Whats the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeves

Why are prison escapees so frustrating?

Because they never finish their s

Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a - computer?

A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car?

So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"

Whats the highest grade you can get in the trap?

B's

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

Whats the worst part about being a news reporter?

The shootings

Whats the worst thing you can call a black man that starts with N and ends with R?

Neighbor

Whats the difference between a preschool and a taliban camp?

I don't know man. I just fly the drones.

Whats the difference between a lentil and a chikpea?

I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face

Whats big, pink, long and my girlfriend hates when I put it in her mouth?

Our miscarriage.

Whats a zombie's favorite drink?

Egg noggin.

Whats the difference between Facebook and Reddit?

About two hours.

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

Whats a plants favorite drink?

Root Beer

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up.

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral?

She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish