570+ Funny S Jokes - Curious Supply

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction

Whats the sickest piece of art?

Pneumonia Lisa

How do you make seven even?

Take the s off.

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Whats the word im looking for?

You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

Whats the incredible hulks favourite drink?

Incredible mulk

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

Whats yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard

Whats an ex-iphone user's favorite cereal?

Apple Jacks

Whats the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeves

Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car?

So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"

Whats the highest grade you can get in the trap?

B's

Whats the difference between a lentil and a chikpea?

I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face

Whats a zombie's favorite drink?

Egg noggin.

Whats the difference between Facebook and Reddit?

About two hours.

Whats a plants favorite drink?

Root Beer

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up.

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral?

She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish

What s the weight of a hipster?

One Insta-gramm

Whats the saddest thing about global warming/iceberg melting?

Polar bears won't be able to keep their cokes cold.

Whats the antonym of Manchester United?

WomanBreastsR Divided

Whats a Drummers favorite Pokemon?

Rattata

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this?

Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen?

You can make soldiers out of toast.

Why is Mickeys dog named Pluto?

Because hes not a planet.

What's the longest word in English?

Smiles. Because there's a mile between both S.

Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road?

There are skidmarks before the dog.

Whats worse than Bad command or File name?

Windows update message asking you to restart your computer

Whats E.T.'s first name?

Yodela

Whats a dentists favorite time of day?

The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day

Whats the difference between Outlaws and Mother-in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted.

Whats Marios favorite type of jeans?

Denim denim denim!

What's the joke where the punchline is 'thats the punch-line'?

This is no joke.

When's your birthday?

Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year Me: Ugh duh every year

Whats a rednecks favorite thing to do on Halloween?

Pump Kin

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

Whats the most common work of fiction?

The average persons resume

Whats the month people get most drunk in?

Febrewery

Whats the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window

What's Lil' John's favorite magazine?

OK!

Whats white and cant climb trees?

A fridge --

Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

Attire.

Whats a frogs favorite restaurant?

IHOP!!!

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles" because there is a mile between each S!

What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

Whats Updog?

NASA: Lol guess there isnt intelligent life out there

Whats your GPA?

James answers: "4 2.4."

Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD. I peed

Whos the funniest Disney princess?

RaPUNzel *sits there laughing to self*...so lonely..

Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Dubai don't broadcast the Flintstones but AbuDhabidooooooooo

Why is the apostrophe always near an "s"?

Because it is possessive

Whats the hardest thing about microwaving vegtables?

Fitting the wheelchair in the microwave.

Whats common between the world trade centres and genders?

There were once two but now they're too offensive to talk about.

Whats blue and bangs old ladies?

Me in my lucky blue coat.

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

Whats a vegetables favorite Bee Gee song?

Chive Talkin'

Whats the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?

You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone.

S Jokes