Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you " "PUT MY SON DOWN"
Bill front (Money jokes i got em)
Allahwho akbar
Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about " Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"
I don't know.
I've never had a lima bean on my face.
The same
Whats the color of the sky... Me: whats your name You:(insert name) Me:whats the color of the sky You:blue Me:whats my name Now put it all together.
Spitting swallowing and gargling.
They never let you finish first. (#s)
Toast is brown on both sides.
D(sun)/dt *facepalm*
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.
Through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*
A computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy
Getting the wheelchair in the oven.
3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
Dr.Dre
Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.
Reach For The **Stats**.
Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name
The dishes if she knows whats good for her.
36 -Thats not even close!! -But it was quick.
A tractor
AlgeBRUH!
The SWAT team
The pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"
One's mad cow disease the other's an agricultural problem.
I dont have a Porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Sharks in Malaysia
Half to none of the time.
Aren't all cats pure evil
You never get tired of seeing them again & again...
Me: Up dawg Person: What is that Me: What is what Person: Whats up dawg Me: nothing much hbu Person: ...
It's croak-et!
Common sense
I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.
One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction
Pneumonia Lisa
Take the s off.
The characters in this book are entirely fictional.
They get from Berlin to Warsaw in one tank
Because hes Russian (rush-en)
Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture
You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word
A pair of legs.
Removed
Incredible mulk
The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.
Shark infested custard
Apple Jacks
Christopher Reeves
Because they never finish their s
So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"
B's
I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face
Egg noggin.
About two hours.
You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot
Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.
Root Beer
You're sure to get a little head
The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up.
She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish
One Insta-gramm
Polar bears won't be able to keep their cokes cold.
WomanBreastsR Divided
Rattata
Breast implants.
Eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging.
Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.
Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen!!!
Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is
Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.
You can make soldiers out of toast.
Because hes not a planet.
Smiles. Because there's a mile between both S.
The singer can have a hit
There are skidmarks before the dog.
Windows update message asking you to restart your computer
Yodela
The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day
Outlaws are wanted.
Denim denim denim!
This is no joke.
Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year Me: Ugh duh every year
Pump Kin
Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.
The average persons resume
Trigger discipline
Febrewery
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window
OK!
A fridge --
Attire.
IHOP!!!
A white owl goes: Who Who A black owl goes: Who dat who dat
A GIANT! Now what do you call a baby ant an Infant! What do you call an ant thats into business A Merchant! please post more ant jokes if you know of any.
