How can you tell someone is an engineer?

They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)

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What do you tell a slow tomato?

What Ketchup

Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

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What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

Why do engineers work out a lot?

They're obsessed with rigid bodies!

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What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.