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Engineer Jokes

What did the Computer Engineer say?

What did the computer Engineer say when he saw his favorite drink? ICT

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What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personality.

What is 1 + 1"?

The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".

How do you know a stranger could be an engineer?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

Why do engineering students call themselves engineers?

You don't hear a law student call themselves a lawyer, or a gender studies student call themselves a barista.

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

What cologne do engineers wear?

Elon's musk

What did the engineer say to the flood?

Dam!

Why was the Robot angry at the engineer?

Because he screwed his wife!

Why do engineers work out a lot?

They're obsessed with rigid bodies!

Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31=DEC 25

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Why do engineering majors refer to themselves "engineers"?

You don't see literature majors calling themselves Starbucks baristas

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

Why do people studying engineering get to already call themselves engineers?

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How do genetically engineered car salesmen from Boston greet their customers?

Hey, gattaca? GATTACA?

How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was.

How do you know if someone's an engineer without asking them?

Don't worry they'll tell you

How do you know you're speaking with an engineer?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

How do you know an engineer is an extrovert?

He stares at shoes while he talks to you.

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

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How does an engineer screw a light-bulb?

He holds the light-bulb over the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Why did the engineer drive the backwards?

He had a loco motive.

Why did the engineer buy a mattress?

To sleep under it

What, like structurally?

Should we call an engineer Evacuate Please advise.

What kind of ears do trains have?

Engineers (engine ears).

What do you do for a living?

The engineer replies " I make chips" "Oh yummy!"

Why are there no good jokes about engineers?

Zzzzzzzzz, wait, I fell asleep at the punchline.

How do you know someone's an engineer?

No worries they will tell you

How do you fix a deaf car?

With an engin*eer.*

What do you call an engineer who looks at other people's shoes when walking?

Extroverted

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Why didn't the engineer cross his own bridge?

Because he didn't truss it.

What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for?

Around Thevenin the morning

How can you tell someone is an engineer?

They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk?

He wanted to work overtime.

Why do engineers confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25

How can you tell an engineer is an extrovert?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

Why do Native Americans have such good hearing?

They have engineers

How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb?

You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.

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What's the difference between a frog?

One leg's both the same.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

Examine Jokes More Examine Jokes

What's the worst feeling when getting your prostate examined?

Both of the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams?

A bvr

What's it called when a dog burns down a building?

Arfson

Mechanic Jokes More Mechanic Jokes

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?

A mechanic.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?

With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

Why dose the navy use liquid soap?

Because it takes longer to pick up.

Why was the Bhut Jolokia picked to be the captain of the cheer squad?

Because it was the hottest pepper.

Engineering Student Jokes More Engineering Student Jokes

Why do engineering students call themselves engineers?

You don't hear a law student call themselves a lawyer, or a gender studies student call themselves a barista.

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.

Jet Engine Jokes More Jet Engine Jokes

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands

Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the plane lands.