How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement?

Collecting stocks and bonds.

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What's a dog favourite hobby?

Collecting fleas!

Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

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How do Jedi plan for retirement?

With a Hoth IRA.

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

A 401(K-9).

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What does an ear of corn hang on his fireplace during Christmas?

A stalk-ing! (A stocking!)

What did the bad soccer announcer get in his stocking?

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

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Why did helium get into a fight with neon?

They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.