Retirement Jokes

What do mathematicians call retirement?

Aftermath

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How do dogs save for retirement?

With a Ruff IRA.

How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement?

Collecting stocks and bonds.

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

A 401(K-9).

How do Jedi plan for retirement?

With a Hoth IRA.

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Bernie Sanders Jokes More Bernie Sanders Jokes

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their parents?

Roommates

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do you use to buy drinks?

Bar tender

Why did the nun always go to the same bar?

Habit

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?

Gotham City.

How does someone stop ISIS?

Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.

Retirement Home Jokes More Retirement Home Jokes

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt. A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard! A: Or is it the best???

What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?

Let me be your *soil*mate

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Where do people go when they die?

Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not 3: It's full of dead people.

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

Because he thought his wife was a flake.

Motor Home Jokes More Motor Home Jokes

How do you advertise a motor home?

A trailer

Where did the engine go after he retired?

To live in a motor home

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What's the cheapest present for an ophan?

A tattoo with dad

What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?

Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.