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How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?

When the old one expects you to "do your share"

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue?

I don't know

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

Share Jokes More Share Jokes

What do you call a Pirate you share an apartment with?

Your room-matey.

Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

Why did the Addams have the late man arrested?

He was expected on Tuesday, but he came on Wednesday.

What is a World Series?

I don't expect you to understand son, you are just a Cub

Old Jokes More Old Jokes

How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

Why did the prison board decide to build the new prison out of concrete?

The old one was made of steal.