How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

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What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?

Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

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How can you tell if a duck has soul?

If it's bill withers!

How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)

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What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?

Hare today gone tomorrow.

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What do we say to the god of procrastination?

Not today.

Which nation doesn't do what it's supposed to do until it's too late?

Procrastination!