What are you doing today?

2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure ' 2: 'I'm definite'.

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2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

Why were there 600 Mexicans at the Alamo?

They only had 2 cars.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Knock knock. Who's there? Bean. Bean who?

Bean working very hard today!

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

What was the internet like in the old days?

Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*

Why is flatulence more satisfying after a long struggle to push it out?

Because you know you made a real ef-**fart**

Limit Jokes More Limit Jokes

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

Why don't mathematicians ever get blackout drunk?

They know their limits.