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What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed?

Son: I couldn't find a spider.

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What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

What is the most unexpected part of a fast food meal?

The element of some fries.

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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?

Hippocampus!

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Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)

What do you do to a scientist after he dies?

You Barium.