What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

Baked ham.

This joke may have profanity.

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What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

Han So-High

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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

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Why did the blonde freeze a pot of boiling water?

Because you never know when you're going to need some boiling water.

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?

Because he mist it.

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What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?

A teddy boar!

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What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham