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What do you say when someone dies while getting an erection?

He came and went at the same time.

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What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?

Look out for the mice!

How long does it take for George R.R. Martin to finish a Reddit post?

Answer coming Fall 2017.

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What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....

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What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

A pair of ducks.

How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

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Why did my husband die?

Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am" Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!" Doctor: "I know, but I did"

Who wants to go to Florida with me?

I heard the clubs are to die for.