Erection Jokes

What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

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What do Japanese people do when they have erections?

Vote!

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

Because he's covering an erection!

What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?

He votes!

What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....

What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?

Whisper I don't have a Ferrari.

What do you say when someone dies while getting an erection?

He came and went at the same time.

What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection?

Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!

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How do the Chinese vote?

With their erections.

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

What do you get when OP gets erections?

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What does an Asian man do during an erection?

Vote.

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

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Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Why dont Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

Why did the boy fall off the bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.... Gold

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Who has more money than God?

His Ex-Wife.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What does Ellen Pao have in common with the girl's mom from 'The Sixth Sense'?

The both have no idea why everyone stopped talking and just stared at her.

Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay?

Because they make cents!

Hard Feeling Jokes More Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why does Bono sing acapella when he's feeling down?

It takes the edge off it

Who sung?

Sam. Samsung

Wedding Jokes More Wedding Jokes

What's the difference between a wedding and a funeral?

One less drunk.

Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?

Getting it to fit over a bucket!

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?

The Wheelchair

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What sound does an emo cow make?

Amumu