What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

When do accountants laugh out loud?

When somebody asks for a raise

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How do you keep getting in here?

ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out.

Whenever I get to a restaurant and they say there is a wait I say "do you know who I am?

Because while I wait I like to be introspective

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What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?

Lost

How do you know accountants have no imagination?

They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

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What does $50 get you at the Chanel store?

13 seconds of eye contact.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......