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Whats the best thing about duct tape?

It turns NO! NO! NO! into MMM MMM MMM

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When is a school paper not a school paper?

When it's turned into the teacher.

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

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Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before

What was the Mathematician's Favorite Johnny Depp Movie?

S of the Carribean.

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What's the best thing about being a Cubs fan?

Not being from Detroit.

What is the best thing about duct tape?

It turns no no no into mm mm mmmm.

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When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

Why I love duct tape?

It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"