What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?

Alright.

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?

Skip.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?

Check their jeans.

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

Xmas Jokes More Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you?

Five after one.

What is the best stand-up routine of our time?

I nominate Chris Rock's Never Scared.

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

Slowing down his car....... shoutout to for this one.