Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

What is the best joke you have heard that was on the end of a Popsicle stick?

Here is mine: Q: Where do snowmen dance --------- A: At the snowball. Best joke at the end of a Popsicle stick

When is it too cold to build a snowman?

When the frostbite is worse then the frostbark.

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob

How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

Merry Jokes More Merry Jokes

What do you call someone who would do anything for a chocolate snack cake?

A ho ho ho. (merry xmas!)

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?

A furry Merry Christmas & Happy mew year"!

Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

What do you call a dance party in Colorado?

Shake 'n Bake.

What shakes at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

Why did the Islamic woman die when she fell into the ocean?

She thought to yell for help, but her husband was nowhere around to grant her permission to do so.

What do you call a sick bird of prey that enters the country without permission?

An ill-eagle

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent?

You've never heard of him.

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Ho Ho Ho Jokes More Ho Ho Ho Jokes

What goes HO HO HO thud?

Santa laughing his head off. What goes HO HO HO A Pimp taking inventory.

Why does santa say ho ho ho?

Because three hos are better than one!

Con Jokes More Con Jokes

Who's there! Con! Con who?

Con unhinged!

What's the best thing about a poet in a prison?

Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here.