Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What is yellow and can't swim?

An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.

What did the boy with no arms &amp legs get at the World Cup?

Cancer. ()

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What do you call a sick bird of prey that enters the country without permission?

An ill-eagle

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

Where do I see myself in ten years?

I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*

What world athletic sporting event is held every four years?

The Olympigs!

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why is a viola solo like a bomb?

By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

How old were you on your last birthday?

Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday Ten. Oh I don't think that's possible. Oh yes it is - I'm nine today.