Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

You might also enjoy:

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

Slowing down his car....... shoutout to for this one.

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob

What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?

Unfortunate.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

What happens to Eminem when he dies?

I accidentally this joke the other day. Do you think it has potential?

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes

How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

Why does Snoop Dog always smile like he knows something you don't?

Because he's been snooping around.

What's the longest verb in the English language?

Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter.

Merry Jokes More Merry Jokes

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'?

They are both santa clauses.

Con Jokes More Con Jokes

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

Ho Ho Ho Jokes More Ho Ho Ho Jokes

What goes HO HO HO thud?

Santa laughing his head off. What goes HO HO HO A Pimp taking inventory.

Why does santa say ho ho ho?

Because three hos are better than one!