Attend Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

A coniference.

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Why did the chicken attend the seance?

To get to the other side.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

Tenish.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral?

He's not a mourning person

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Who's concerts cost only 45 cents to attend?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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Oven Jokes More Oven Jokes

Why did the man put his car in the oven?

Because he wanted a hot rod.

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

University Jokes More University Jokes

Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?

The University of Minnesoda

Where do galaxies go to college?

University! Happy 1st day back to school to many of you

Guest Jokes More Guest Jokes

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What do you call a sick bird of prey that enters the country without permission?

An ill-eagle

Flight Attendant Jokes More Flight Attendant Jokes

What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones?

Attention Basingers

What do you call it when a flight attendant gets pregnant?

Pilot error.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why do raindrops like lightning at night?

So they can see where they are going

Where do cows go on Friday nights?

To the moovies.

Honor Jokes More Honor Jokes

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.*

What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

One less drunk.