Attend Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

A coniference.

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Why did the chicken attend the seance?

To get to the other side.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

Tenish.

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Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral?

He's not a mourning person

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Who's concerts cost only 45 cents to attend?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?

Michael

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?

She thought her maxi pad had wings

How do pirates know they exist?

They think, therefore they ARRRRRRRR!

Guest Jokes More Guest Jokes

What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?

Thanks, it's my special tea.

What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in?

Your in 8.

Funeral Jokes More Funeral Jokes

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

When should funerals occur?

Mourning

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

Which group of people are the best at jazz?

The Saxons!

What do you call a group of religious oranges?

Jehovah's citruses.

Xmas Jokes More Xmas Jokes

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Snowboarder Jokes More Snowboarder Jokes

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said?

Hey guys, watch this!