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When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

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How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

What did the newsletter say to the other newsletter when he asked for help?

Bro sure!

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Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings?

De Beers

End Jokes More End Jokes

Why did the narcissistic cannibal end up in the hospital?

Because he was so full of himself.

How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries?

Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar.

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

Why doesn't Yogi wear shoes?

He likes to go... bearfoot!

What shoes do roosters wear?

Chickenstocks

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.