When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What did the pedophiliac rabbi say to the young boy?

Hey there little boy, you wanna BUY some candy?

How does a white lady fix a flat tire?

She buys a new car.

End Jokes More End Jokes

Whats the easiest way to drown a blonde?

Glue a penny to the bottom of a swimming pool ALTERNATE ENDING: Put a scratch n' sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool

When do you know that your career has gone south?

When you end up moving to South Korea, of course!

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

Why shouldn't you buy shoes off the street?

They might be laced with something..

What kind of shoe does Mr. T wear?

T-shoes!

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

When someone says something was made with "love" what exactly does that mean?

Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.