When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

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Why do old people read the Bible so much?

I asked my grandad the other day "why do old people read the Bible so much?" He replied "cause we're cramming for finals"

What did the llama say when asked to a picnic?

Alpaca lunch!

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When does a dyslexic person know they've bought the wrong SUV?

When they're in Denali.

How do you buy hair?

You have toupee

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Why was ex so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?

Envelope

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What did the shoe say about the customer who didn't like that it had yellow shoestring?

That's lacist.

Whats the difference between a Ginger and a Shoe?

The shoe has a sole

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When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.