When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

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How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What's so funny?

Asks the dermatologist. "Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.

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What do call having to settle for buying corn?

Compra maize.

Person 1: Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2: Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1: So what about summers then? Person 2: Same, it freezes often as well

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What do blind people think of a basketball?

It's a never ending story.

Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?

Because the ends justify the memes

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

What kind of shoes do bears wear?

None because they go barefoot.

What's a turtle's favorite type of shoe?

Green clog. (looks almost like a turtle shell)

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Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.