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Where are you going?

Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got Five

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How do you get a kid out from a microwave?

Please answer before my wife gets home!

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*

Wall Jokes More Wall Jokes

What did the painting on the wall say to the cop?

I've been framed!

What did the mime say to the wall?

Tough getting by these days.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What do you call a police officer standing on dog poop?

On duty

Why cant a bicykle stand on its own?

Because its two tired! *badum tiss*

Hem Jokes More Hem Jokes

What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

Where are you going?

Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got Five

Pub Jokes More Pub Jokes

Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub?

Because there's a BartEnder there.

Why the big pause................................?

Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.