Why are you crying Ted?

Asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

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Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why are you crying?

Me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby?

A cry for Alp!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?

He proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

What's so funny?

Asks the dermatologist. "Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.

What kind of bug bites only at your feet?

Mosqui-toes

Ted Jokes More Ted Jokes

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

Hurt Jokes More Hurt Jokes

Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

Why should you never shout at a pirate?

Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)

Mum Jokes More Mum Jokes

What did you do today?

Mum: Well, the builders that moved the garage came over and I paid them for their work done.

What do you call a British midget mother who can barely support her family?

Mini-Mum

Wrong Foot Jokes More Wrong Foot Jokes

Why are you crying Ted?

Asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why can't Quentin Tarantino make a good first impression?

He's always getting off on the wrong foot.