Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the Bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

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Ups Jokes More Ups Jokes

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?

They go swimming in Laotian

How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull

Speak Jokes More Speak Jokes

Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

What do you call a woman with a very round head?

Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How did Genghis Khan conquer Mongolia?

One steppe at a time.

What time is it in New York City?

5 past Lundqvist

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

How do French thank who save their files?

Merci backup.

Achieve Jokes More Achieve Jokes

What's the best part about being cremated?

Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

Islam Jokes More Islam Jokes

What do you call Mr. LaBeouf when he converts to Islam?

Shi'a LaBeouf

What do you call the fruit of Islam?

Quran-berries