Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted?

Asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

What do you call a girl with anorexia and a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

What type of cheese is made backwards?

Edam

Speak Jokes More Speak Jokes

What do you call someone who only speaks one language?

American.

What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

A francophony

Deaf Jokes More Deaf Jokes

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Elbow Jokes More Elbow Jokes

What is the most Spanish body part?

Elbow.

How?

He had elbow-a

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When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

When his hand caught fire!!

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did Hank Hill join an S&ampM club?

He heard they were Pro-Pain.

How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What's the last sound you hear before a pube hits the floor?

Tppppthh...."spit sound"

Why did Rolf Harris leave Animal Hospital?

He heard they were getting hares and lost interest!

Ups Jokes More Ups Jokes

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)