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Why did the calendar give up on life?

Because he felt his days were numbered.

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Life Jokes More Life Jokes

How did the coprophilic marine respond when asked what the most important thing in life was?

Duty. Honor.

What do you call it when a helicopter pilot reflects on his life?

HINDsight

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?

Wait I freed?!?!?

What is that son of yours doing these days?

2nd Monster: He's at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh what's he studying 2nd Monster: Nothing they're studying him!

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk?

Udderly useless.

What do you call the feeling of being unable to urinate beside a friend?

PEEr pressure!

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars?

Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

Why did the calendar die?

It's days were numbered.

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.