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Why did the calendar give up on life?

Because he felt his days were numbered.

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Life Jokes More Life Jokes

Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life?

He had no leg to stand on.

How do you describe the life of a redditor?

Removed

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why do fanfic writers like Amazon Prime?

They get free two-day shipping.

Where do ghoulies go to on the day before Halloween party?

To the boo-ty parlour.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk?

Udderly useless.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

What did the number zero say to the number 8?

I like your belt

Why are urologists selfish?

Because they're all about number one

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

What did the Calendar say to the Wall-clock the moment it became June 1st?

I am dismayed!