Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales!

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Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

Why couldn't the lizard get it up?

He had ereptile dysfunction.

What do you call a lizard that doesn't work?

A reptile dysfunction.

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken?

No weigh...

How much do you love kids?

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you love kids?

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales!

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

Where do you weigh pies?

Somewhere over a rainbow...

What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything?

King Kong's shadow.