Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales!

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Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

Why don't snakes have legs?

Because otherwise they'd be lizards.

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero?

Tareable

What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken?

No weigh...

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

What is the difference between rat poison and diet coke?

Diet coke has better advertising.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

How do you weigh a Hipster?

In instagrams

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!