Scale Jokes

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts?

Because they all had a tare

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

How much do you love kids?

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you love kids?

Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales!

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken?

No weigh...

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!

Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels?

Because the cons outweighed the prose.

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Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching?

Because he had his own scales!

What did the toilet say when he was hitting on another toilet?

On a scale from one to ten, urinate.

How do you tune a fish?

With its scales!

What's the most musical part of a fish?

Its scales.

Why can't the insecure fish sing well?

He's never comfortable in his own scales.

What part of a fish weighs the most?

It's scales!

How do you weight a fish?

With a scale.

What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero?

Tareable

Why are fish easy to weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

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Starbuck Jokes More Starbuck Jokes

What are Starbucks two shipping options?

Ground and federal expresso

Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks?

Because it's black. Sorry.

Thousand Mile Jokes More Thousand Mile Jokes

What's white and streaks across the sky at a thousand miles an hour?

The coming of the Lord.

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Geordie Jokes More Geordie Jokes

Why don't Geordies use scales?

Because they can weigh things by eye man.

Why couldn't the Geordie go above the seventh floor in the tower block?

He had a fear of eights

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Why did you drop the baby?

Well Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby so I wanted to see if he did.

What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?

Well an erection of course.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?

A bite in shining armor.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?

A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles" because there is a mile between each S!

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What does a strong shoulder do when it doesn't know how to get any stronger?

Shrugs.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.