Meth Head Jokes

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

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How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly?

The meth head still has teeth.

Why do meth heads love Halloween?

Three sleeps 'till Christmas!

What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks?

A two-weeker

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Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Weeker Jokes More Weeker Jokes

What do you call a drug addict who has been awake for 14 days straight?

A "two-weeker"

What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks?

A two-weeker

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby I'll check on that.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween?

Only two more sleeps till Christmas!

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?

I set WHO free?

Comcast Jokes More Comcast Jokes

What's something Comcast is giving you, besides crappy service?

How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What's Nigel Farage's favourite Christmas song?

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.