New Zealand Jokes

How do men in New Zealand address their women?

Hey! Ewe!

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What do you call a shorn sheep in a New Zealand bar?

A skimpy.

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What would New Zealand be called if it had a fascist government?

Not Zealand.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?

They saw what happened to the sheep

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Lamp Post Jokes More Lamp Post Jokes

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

What do the Welsh call a sheep when it's tied to a lamp post?

The leisure centre.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?

She thought her maxi pad had wings

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

How do you tie two half ducks together?

With ducktape!!

How do they tie things down on the space station?

They use astro knots.

Crystal Ball Jokes More Crystal Ball Jokes

Why do clairvoyants have crystal balls?

So they can see what's coming.

Where do psychics go to dance?

The crystal ball

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

Why did Jesus get all the ladies?

Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)

What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas?

Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do Asian people use as blindfolds?

Shoe laces.

What language do bill boards use?

Sign language.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What sound does a pinewood derby car make when you rev it?

Wooooooden Woooooooden Woooooden!

What is the sound of one hand typing?

Fap-fap-fap.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Why did the surfer join ISIS?

Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

Doctor Dolittle