New Zealand Jokes

How do men in New Zealand address their women?

Hey! Ewe!

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What do you call a shorn sheep in a New Zealand bar?

A skimpy.

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What would New Zealand be called if it had a fascist government?

Not Zealand.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?

They saw what happened to the sheep

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Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?

Two kilomockingbirds (credit goes to my old physics book)

Why is Chuck Norris still alive?

Credit: Saw the comment in this 1:55

Crystal Ball Jokes More Crystal Ball Jokes

Why do clairvoyants have crystal balls?

So they can see what's coming.

Where do psychics go to dance?

The crystal ball

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What do you call a gigantic polar bear?

Nothing you just run away!

Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?

She was running out of things to read.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Why is ur wife shouting at you?

Friend: she told me to upload her photo in FB, I uploaded in OLX... Mistakes do happen

What happened to the body builder...whose favorite gym closed down?

He was depressed.

Mum Jokes More Mum Jokes

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why couldn't the spotty cat chase the sheep?

Because her Mum wouldn't leopard be a shepherd

Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?

I am not a crook!

What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells?

I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What do you call a man with a kilt over his head?

Scott!