Post Jokes

What do you call a joke that gets posted over and over again on reddit?

Al-redi-reddi-tt.

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

Why was the note denied alcohol?

Because it was A Minor.

What would you call a rock digger's mistake?

A miner infraction! From, posted by

What's the most environmentally friendly subreddit?

Everything there is recycled, including this post.

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund. credit to (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?

There were no jokes in the Post.

What does Uncle Vernon not do today?

Post.

What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?

Post on Sundays.

What do you call a day when all jokes on this sub are re-posts?

EVERYDAY!!

What am I?

I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

What's the best way to get to the front page?

Post good stuff. Please up vote To FP!

What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke?

Accidentally hit submit before you

How do you ruin a good joke?

By posting it over and over on the same subreddit

Where Did it go?

Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.

What would a Prius minivan be called?

Post-us

Why does Pokémon have only one save file per game?

I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)

Why does Windows 10 say "Hello"?

Because my PC is a Dell.

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Where do post go when they die in Reddit?

Everywhere else.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?

Because the ends justify the memes

What drink did the Karate Master order?

Wa-tah! Haha. I'll leave now... (Sorry if already posted. I searched a little bit but found nothing.)

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE, She gets Hundreds of likes, comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's.

What is a joke that only makes sense in your own regional dialect/accent?

Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."

Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

Cause it's an all mail business.

Where do Polar Bears keep their money?

In the Snowbank. My first post is a dad joke

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What did the reddit admins say to the mods?

This post was removed

What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?

You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook

How do you keep someone curious?

I'll tell you on my next post

What gets you a downvote?

Reposting an old joke that wasn't funny the first time. What gets you an upvote? Posting an original joke, or a funny joke I've heard before. What get's you 5 upvotes? Being

Why do the ghosts never win races?

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

How do you keep a bunch of redditors in suspense?

I'll post the punchline later.

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post)

What did the redditor say when he opened his package from the UniBomber?

Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up

What does a redditor do after his picket fence is installed?

He re-posts it.

How do you know you're not logged into reddit?

There are posts on the frontpage

Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)

Whats the V in DVD stand for?

Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today.. be kind)

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

What did Reddit say about the post that had no comments?

Wow, such empty

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Cuz he couldn't see it (Probly already posted but I've never seen it on r/jokes before)

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?

Beans on post!

Why did the orange go to the doctor?

Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

What's the best way to make an egg roll?

You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this...

What shoes are hard to wear?

Dark Soles Terrible gaming pun. My friend posted this on FB, thought I would share.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

Why Did The Tiger Cross The Road?

Because there wasn't a Zebra crossing Sorry, my 5 year old son made me post this

What material does Cayde-6 use to repair his armor after falling feet first into hell?

Nathan Filaments () X-Post from /r/DestinyTheGame

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

It's pointless just like this post

How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?

Deleted

How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit?

Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.

Why shouldn't you post to Reddit while driving?

Becau

How many redditors does it take to send a letter?

Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

What is mostly white, dull, and wants to be popular?

This post.

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

How do you know if a joke has been posted on reddit before?

Oh, they'll tell you.

Why is post college life so easy for Lannisters?

Because a Lannister always pays his debts.

What would she do for $20?

Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....

What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

RemindMe! 2 days to edit this post

Why do people post missing person posts on Facebook?

Like we're going outside...

How did the Redditor get stuck in a loop?

I don't know, check the post above me.

How many redditors does it take to make a good joke?

Three. One to post it, the second to post a better punchline in the comments, and the third to complain that it's a repost.

What online image hosting service do puppies use to post their puppy pictures?

Imgrrrrrrr

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes

How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes?

Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day.

Why do Fencers avoid posting on reddit?

They are afraid of the Reposte.

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

Why can't the sun talk?

First post) It doesn't have an ellipse.

What do you call a girl between two posts?

Annette.

What do elves post on Social Media?

Elf-ies.

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