What happens when a pirate turns 60?

He joins AARP

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What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?

Head Russian...

What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?

He had a *lovely finish*.

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Who turns the lights off at Halloween?

The light's witch!

What do Dallas Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

They turn off their XBOX and go to bed!

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What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrg, it's driving me nuts!

What did the pirate Louis Riel say to the villagers?

Yarrrrrrr Metis!

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What happens when a pirate turns 60?

He joins AARP

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

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What happened when a frog joined the cricket team?

He bowled long hops!

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant