Why are you hitting that spider?

Wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

Why couldn't the man leave Moscow?

He was Snowden.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call someone who really likes balloons?

Autistic.

What do you call someone who likes to rap about salt?

NaCl-more.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.

Why are cops so bad at pool?

Because they can't resist hitting the black ball.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Why does a mother carry her baby?

The baby can't carry the mother.

Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward?

Because two Eds are better than one.

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

What's a mixed feeling?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Spider Jokes More Spider Jokes

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ

What do you call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids. Yep. An original.