Spider Jokes

What do you call a spider that likes 80s music?

A Durantula.

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What do you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs in the system?

A spider

Which web developer enjoys finding bugs?

A spider!

Why did the recruiter hire a Spider?

Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

What do you get when you cross a bear and a spider?

A six-legged, honey-lovin', web-spinnin'

Why was the spider inside the Computer?

He was looking for a webpage!

What's Varys the Spider's favorite OS?

Unix

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

An anarchid.

What's a spiders favorite way to learn?

A webinar.

Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos?

They'll B flat

What animal is two animals at the same time?

The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :)... oh, wait.

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What does Bob the spider do for a living?

He's a web developer.

What has two legs and looks like a spider?

A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)

What did the spider say when he broke his new web?

Darn it!

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?

Webley stadium!

What do you call a David Bowie tribute band made up of astro-arachnologists?

The Spiders from Mars

What's wrong with that?

You've seen spiders before. Boy: Yes but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!

How do spiders drive a van?

10 on top 10 below Where would you like to go Get in. Get in the Spider Van.

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

As told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

What do they call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........) A web designer.

What do you call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids. Yep. An original.

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What do you call a spider from Baghdad?

An Iraqnid.

What are spiders webs good for?

Spiders!

What do you call it when a spider gets a pimple?

Arachne

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

Why are you hitting that spider?

Wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this

Why are spiders like tops?

They are always spinning!

What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka

What did the spider say to the bee?

Your honey or your life!

What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?

I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

Why did the spider buy a car?

So he could take it out for a spin!

What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?

A harenet.

What do you call two spiders who just got married?

Newlywebs.

What do you call a Spider-man that is a valet?

A Peter Parker

What's the most common career choice among spiders?

Web development

Why did the spider cross the road?

To get to his website!

Why are spiders so unproductive?

Because they hang out on the web all day!

What does a spider do when he gets angry?

He goes up the wall!

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ

How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

Why do spiders hate Area 51?

It's a no-fly zone.

Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed?

Son: I couldn't find a spider.

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What does Bob the spider do for a living?

He's a web developer.

Which web developer enjoys finding bugs?

A spider!

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What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Why is 17 called the "mother-in-law" in black jack?

Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant.

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What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper?

Bidet, mate.

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

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What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?

When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

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Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.

What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law &amp Order: SVU?

Women Say the Darndest Things

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What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

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What do you call a good looking Lebanese man?

Azif

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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What's the last thing someone wants to hear while blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

Why do you want to work here?

ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.