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Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Where did you buy all that junk?

Kid: At the Joke shop.

How do you make sure you have the best space party for your kid?

You planet early.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Where should we look to stem global overpopulation?

The youth in Asia.....

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What pets think about their owners?

A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.

Why did the farmer take a bale of hay to bed?

He wanted to feed his nightmares.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal do you get when shake a pig?

A ham-stir

What do giraffes have that no other animal has?

Baby giraffes.