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Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.

Why are there broken condoms on the couch?

Wife: Would you please call our children by their names!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?

Names

What do you call a woman with six kids?

Lucy

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How was the Redditor with only one karma upvote able to look like he had five karma upvotes?

He was a karma-karma-karma-karma, karma chameleon!

What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party?

If were all here, who's looking after Madeline?

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

What pets think about their owners?

A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?

A pit bull in a kindergarten

What animals are poor dancers?

Four-legged ones because they have two left feet.