Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About fifty pounds.

What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?

Netflix and chill.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kids with the fancy bus try so hard?

Fo' Frizzle

When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why was a missile looking for a job?

Because it got fired!

What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?

A pit bull in a kindergarten