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Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the cactus say to his wife?

Aloe Vera!

What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?

Netflix and chill.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four?

Me: i have no idea what he's for

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Why are you being so salty?

Her response - with a flat, even look: "I've been well seasoned." I lost it

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold?

A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?

The bear hug!

What is the definition of a goose?

An animal that grows down as it grows up!