Why did Santa want a divorce?

His wife made sure he only came once a year.

This joke may have profanity.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it?

A casket

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What's another name for Santa's elves?

Subordinate Clauses

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

How do fish make calls?

On a shellphone! My 7 year old self was very proud of coming up with this one....

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

Divorce Jokes More Divorce Jokes

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

What is it exactly that separates man from animal?

Divorce