Regulate Jokes

How do you persuade the US Senate to regulate the laws on guns?

Put them inside a woman's body.

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What body regulates the welfare of Santa's workers?

The Elf and Saftey Executive.

What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.

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Body Jokes More Body Jokes

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

Which part of your body shuts down last when you die?

The eyes, cause they di-late.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?

He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.

What is Santa's favorite music?

Wrap! (I came up with this when i was 8.)

Senate Jokes More Senate Jokes

How do you persuade the US Senate to regulate the laws on guns?

Put them inside a woman's body.

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

Soviet Russia Jokes More Soviet Russia Jokes

Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

What does a neckbeard tip his fedora to in Soviet Russia?

M'otherland

Consciousness Jokes More Consciousness Jokes

What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.

What do you call a mollusc that's just short of consciousness?

A Conch.

Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

What do you get when you cross a lima bean with a Soviet?

A Lenintil...

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What has four legs but isn't alive?

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"

What Einstein say when someone tried to take his beer?

Nein! Mein Stein!....sorry

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?

Someone is losing their trailer..