Stab Jokes

What do my brother and Julius Caesar have in common?

They both hate been stabbed

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What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What do you call it when you stab a vampire in the lungs?

A miss stake

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

What celebrity is most likely to stab you?

James Blunt

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK!!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident?

Is it possible to stab someone non-violently

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How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel.

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

How are you doing?

And you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What do you call a black guy who was stabbed by a Mexican?

An ambulance.

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Because it's the only way she'll ever get near a medium.

Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?

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Why couldn't Bach be a rapper?

Because he's Baroque.

Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner?

Because he was Baroque.

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What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?

Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)

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What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

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Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?

Because it'd Krampus style.

Where do black parents get gifts for their children?

At Toys We Is

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

What are the three fastest forms of communication?

Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.

Chef Jokes More Chef Jokes

How do you know if a chef is a clown?

The food tastes funny.

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why do so many people like hanging out with Mr. Mushroom?

Because he's a Fungi!

What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe?

I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time