Julius Caesar Jokes

What do my brother and Julius Caesar have in common?

They both hate been stabbed

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Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?

He wanted Mark Antony!

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar?

May the Ides be ever in your favor.

What was the most privileged region conquered by Julius Caesar?

Cis-Alpine Gaul.

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

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How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar?

May the Ides be ever in your favor.

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Who's there! Alexander! Alexander who?

Alexander friend are coming over!

Who came after Augustus?

Septembrus

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What aftershave do monsters wear?

Brute.

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?

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What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

What did the Roman premature ejaculater say?

Veni, Vidi, Veni.

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How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

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Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

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How did Genghis Khan conquer Mongolia?

One steppe at a time.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

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What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party?

You're not owld enough.

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