How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

When is the only time you can park like a retard?

In a handicapped spot.

What time is it when yo mama sits on a chair?

Time to buy a new chair.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

What do you call people that you hate?

Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common?

The both came in a little behind

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter?

Best vicious...

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.

Waste Jokes More Waste Jokes

What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2", go to a raging party?

High wasted shorts!

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

If I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.