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When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

If I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

Why did the invisible man look in the mirror?

To make sure he still wasn't there.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What do you get if you ask a bear to spare some of his salmon?

The Bear Glare.

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

A lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

What's the different between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter has a character limit

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

How's my driving?

Sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

Sort Jokes More Sort Jokes

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What do you get when you spend all afternoon replying to your anonymous feedback on Corpell Anonymous Box?

Corpell tunnel syndrome

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

What's white & falls from the sky?

The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.